The Search for Significance

If you would like to read the full text, as this is an excerpt to make it short enough for 2 blogs’ worth, click here.

For my 8th entry in my 12 Month Challenge I read The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee
This book is from a Christian perspective and about building our idea of our self-worth in the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ instead of others.

Some of the lines in here a direct quotes from the book but I can’t remember which are and which are my paraphrasing lines. This was mostly just taken straight from my journal so your reading what I was saying to myself about this book. I’m not really writing for ‘blog readers.’ I tried and tried but this entry will probably still sound like journal entries instead of something continuous like most of my entries.

My thesis statement is: Let’s face it, people are fickle in their devotion, love or just even just a general, “I like her.” Now, if Jesus is who he claims to be and never changes then there may be a source of hope for the world yet.

[Please note: This blog is not about proving or disproving existence of the Christian God. As in, neither should any comments be. Thanks.]

The Problem

The book asked for my definition of self-worth and it’s this: How much I would sacrifice to protect my wants and rights. And it does extend. It extends to how I define other’s self-worth. How much I would sacrifice to protect someone else’s wants and rights.

I don’t know what my personal strengths are except: leadership, smiles, organization, goal orientation < Okay maybe I do know some strengths of mine. But here is a weakness I haven't really considered -- I don't follow well.

I've started thinking, I really have done nothing to be as judgmental of myself as I am, if anything it drove me to have personality traits that I wish I didn't have. What in the world have I done to be so critical of myself? Nothing! What happened then? ...

Beginning of the Solution

If a healthy sense of self-worth is not based on my performance as an individual than I would have to have some self-worth to God because he is my creator. [As in, he created me! God knows the future, he is outside of time, he knew what would go on before I was created.]

God has given: Grace, Peace, Very Good Blessings, Focus of His Love, To be made whole and holy(which doesn’t mean righteous just different) by his love, free of penalties and punishments (no one can say I’m not good enough or have to pay penance of four hours prayer or something), provides for everything, abundantly free (if I didn’t want to go to church I don’t have to, to be ‘saved’ (as in a Christian). If I didn’t want to follow all of his rules, I don’t have to, to be ‘saved’), let me in on the plans he was making, glorious living, purpose, in Christ finding out who we are and what we are living for; signed, sealed, and delivered; His promise we will give everything he has planned – a praising and glorious life. (No matter what happens in the mean time – If I decide to hang out with the ‘bad’ gang, annihilate my relationship with family [which I won't do but you get my gist], etc.)

Things needed for healing” Honesty, affirming relationships, right thinking, the Holy Spirit’s power, strength and wisdom and time.
People do not change quickly, I do not change quickly. So if I’m still working on this at 19 it’s okay. (But I sincerely hope and expect progress would have been made by then.) But in fact this will be a life-long process since perfection is only in heaven.

I have come to understand that sometimes the critical things I think of myself are mirrored in what I think of others. So, I need to think this of others, “You are deeply loved, fully pleasing, totally forgiven, accepted and complete in Christ.”
I think, thinking this of others will help me change my perception of myself.

Romans 8:37 [I will more than conquer with him who loves me.]
I will more than conquer this feeling of inferiority and unlovable with God.

I have tremendous capabilities for growth and change because the Spirit of God is living in me. (So even though I may be backward, poor, dumb and unlearned a bit that isn’t the end of me and I am a good investment for friendship and love. Even if I’m still trying to learn how to live in friendship and love and even though I still have things I need to work out and even though I may strike out in pain or roar like a lion once in awhile. I’m still a good investment because I have tremendous capabilities for growth and change.)

“God loves me thiiiiiis much,” said the kid with his arms open wide.

I’m starting to think God may be the only who loves and appreciates me unconditionally.
I say ‘may’ but the book says he’s the only one.

God doesn’t base his love and acceptance of us on our performance.
Our lives mean more than having success.

God’s answer to rejection is that I am reconciled to him through Christ’s sacrificial death. And whoever is in the Father’s (God’s) hand no one can take him out (get verse) Therefore I never have to fear rejection even by my family or by my church if they decide some part of me makes me unworthy of their company and they shun me. Why don’t I have to fear that? Because I am completely reconciled to God through Christ’s death and in His hand! God accepts just as I am.

Here is 1 Corinthinas 13 revised. You can read a Bible translation of it here.

My father (God) is very patient and kind
My father is not envious, never boastful
My father is not arrogant
My father is never rude, nor is he self-seeking
My father in not quick to take offense
My father keeps no score of wrongs
My father does not gloat over my sins, but is always glad when truth prevails
My father knows no limit to his endurance, no end to his trust
My father is always hopeful and patient

God isn’t self-seeking?!

The description of a depraved, wretched, and helpless sinner can be applied to the fact that we don’t take God’s help and don’t see how we can or why we should take God’s help.

Our Self-Worth = God’s truth about us.
So I must use God’s truth as my standard for evaluating myself and not my own judgement.

the end (of the problem)

I want a place where I can be honest about who I am, but Christians might reject me for that or look at me condescendingly. On the other hand non-Christians might try to pit me against my Christian values. [ << Which REALLY frustrates me by the way!]

“Some people have difficulty thinking of themselves as pleasing to God because they link pleasing so strongly with performance.”

“Our sinful actions, words, and attitudes grieve the Lord, but our status as beloved Christians remains intact.”

“God’s commands should never be considered as a mean to gain his approval.”
That makes sense if he loved us so much to send his sin on the cross for us. He had to have known who we are, and that we do disobey so something like going against a ‘rule’ of his (the religious aspect of Christianity) should not be a roadblock for us humans to be being Christians.

When going through this and evaluating how much my thinking has changed since the month I first wrote this I think I have grown but I think I can still be broken and put back where I was.

I am really enjoying writing this all out because instead of just telling this to myself I am telling it to real people, to you guys. And I will get actual feedback. Knowing my own response is good and all but I would like to hear responses outside of myself.

If you would like to read the full text, as this is an excerpt to make it short enough for 2 blogs’ worth, click here.

Also joining me on this challenge:
Andy